Right off the bat, I’m going to advise you not to order the macchiato. Based on your JanSport backpack, I can tell that you have a child’s understanding of what coffee is. And I don’t trust your decision-making. The macchiatos listed on our menu are not the sort you’re expecting. The caramel-drizzled, oat-milk-imbued, hyper-customized Starbucks brand of macchiato? Yeah, I’m sure you know that kind. Well, ours aren’t like that.

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/we-do-traditional-macchiatos-here